Only me & u

I know you have that feelings of urong-sulong...to pursue or to forget but it is hard to...Well, this is just a sort of advice take it from me. I've been in this feelings even before and i was able to handle this patiently. I was able to manage my feelings despite of everything... I did not think nor threat my feelings as "mali" or never that i said to myself that this is wrong, because i believed there's nothing wrong with my feelings, nothing wrong with my heart and mind...i can go think and i had leave my life normally with you in my heart in mind despite of my situation, as i said, i could love you even in a distance...distance in a since that i cannot be with you but my heart belongs to you. So, to avoid having urong-sulong feelings threat yourself that nothing wrong with your feelings it is normal...just think that "may pinagdaanan lang tayo"...that we are in the process of something... Still i believed everything happened for a reason..i have fear in God and i leave also in God's word...that's as i said to you there's nothing wrong. wrong if somebody knows and think it is wrong...for some broad minded people who knows what we have gone...throughout our life...as long as you know what is right..there's nothing wrong. Believed that this happened because God has a plan...and my conscience is clear that nothing had gone beyond...we are on the process..kung saan man papunta ang lahat...I lift up everything to God. No matter what??? i am quite sure that i'll remain kung kaya ko noon na mag-isa alam ko makakaya ko rin ngayon if ever you choose to hang me up or leave me in this process. I respect every decision you've made...I'm just hoping that if you will decide... it is for the better... Yes, hug and kiss is just a resemblance of our feelings...just to show and put into action whatever is in our heart.. to let it be done.. Thanks God because he allows me to let you know and feel how much i Love you. God gave me time to let you feel how much i care. I always Love you and i know this will be forever. Again, let me remind you that we are just on the process don't think na "MALI" coz for me there's nothing wrong, we just tried to used the last card of this journey called LOVE. I risk everything just for us to go on and be ok. If ever this card will not work at least i don't have regrets coz i've done my part. This is my last card!!!

WOW!!!! GRABEH KA IRONIC... What a life..i thought i am ok already as i knw from myself but yet Im not ok. Wow grabeh but anyway life must go on. I'm happy that this time has come..bago mahuli ang lahat. Thank you and I Thanks God sincerely for this moment has come. God knows who really i am and I lift up everything to him...i know whatever is it he will make away...either to heal or to move on...

Hi, I know that sometimes what happened will flashback in your mind for sure because that’s what happened to me and as we knew we have same feelings even before. I’m glad that we have come up to this feelings that even me I can’t explain why it happened but the best thing for me is I experience the real feeling, the gentleness and the tenderness of your care as it reaches in the hypothalamus. The happiness that I’ve never experience before and real love that nothing can compare and it cannot be explained. How I wish I could be at your side and still hoping that I will end up my journey with you and wake up one morning with you in my side. But I knew those are just a dream. Just wait me in Singapore, hehehe…joke lang. Those memories that cannot be forgotten even I’ve done so many things for me to be ok, I thought I did it well. I thought I can forget you or maybe not to forget you but to forget the feelings that I have for you. I have so many hesitations before to communicate with you or even to see you because I am not free anymore and I am afraid if the feelings will grow. But as I hesitate and force myself not to, it draws me more nearer with you; though we are very far from each other that love grows deeper and deeper. I know you have hesitations too coz I can feel it. We did not nurture that Love which in fact it is a torture to us. But what can we do? I cried so much again as I went home. Sorry because I am about to flare-up I cannot drive back to my house. I stayed there quite some time and regain my energy. The following day early in the morning I leave a message to you coz my heart really ached and it numbs again so painful but as I leave you the message I felt relieve a little bit; days goes on and I live in a normal life again. Life must go on as I said to myself… trying to convince myself that I am okay that everything is okay. But really God answered the calmness of my heart. Don’t be bothered of what had happened just leave it in your memory that one day you have me. You can go on as what you’ve said you will move – on and don’t make me as a hindrance of your dreams to have your own family. Though it hurts but I can be happy seeing you’re okay. Now, I realize that we cannot be as simple as a friend. Your presence makes me happy even just by holding my hands secretly and how much if we could display those love, affection and care. How I wish you could teach me to do firing at that moment I knew we tried to avoid drawing near with each other because for sure people around will notice the sweetness that we can be. I agree with you now that we cannot be in one place as I convince you to stay. Proceed to Singapore just wait me there ahaha… in my dreams. Who knows what if I can go there. Well, just go ahead basta I Love you so much from the bottom of my heart hypothalamus. Wala lang, is just that nothing can compare to the happiness I feel when I’m with you. Lastly, I would like to request and remember this is a request. Please we will not go back to the way we are before as we agreed. Just take everything as normal. Just pretend that nothing had happened. Ok rako…basin ma bothered ka… We will just leave it on the air…life must go on myluvs…you remain in my heart forever and ‘til my last breath. Just go and be free. I LOVE YOU!

I'm almost there...

Almost lang..muntik na akong mapunta sa lugar nyo kasi nawala kami..malayo na pala ang narating nmin lumagpas na kami. Well, anyway bumalik sa alaala ko tuloy ang nangyari last year hehehe. Naalala ko ang daldal ko noong nagkausap kami ng mama mo at isa sa mga kaibigan natin...subrang daldal ko kaya', pero alam mo ba kung bakit ako nagkaganoon dahil subrang tense ko noon, kinakabahan ako para akong temang hehehe. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ako ganoon...kaya idinaan ko nalang sa daldalan para hindi mahalata. Tabudot kasi...pupunta-punta doon huhuhu. Anyway naalala ko lang... Alam mobang gusto kitang e-hug noong pumasok ka...noong sumunod ka sa akin pero pinigilan ko lang sarili ko, at pumasok naman si friend...alam nya kasi hehehe. Iwan ko basta ang sarap sa pakiramdam pag nayakap kita. Buti nalang pag-uwi nmin at least na hug kita kahit papano. Gusto ko ring puntahan ko ang kaisa-isang lugar sa bahay nyo na hindi ko makalimutan pero nahihiya naman ako para akong sira...ayyy iwan. Hanggang ngayon hahayy tabudot parin ako. Noong pagpasok ko naman sa bahay ng friend natin nandoon ka yakapin sana kita pero tinablan ako ng hiya huhuhu. Kurimao kasi buti nalang kaya ko ang sarili ko para hindi masyadong halata ang kaba nahiga ako sa upuan. Ohh, at least malaki ang upuan kaya kong magtago doon.

Can i hug you???????????

ANg layo muna pala dina kita marich hehehe. Grabeh subrang layo muna talaga. Mag-ingat ka dyan...Kahit minsan ay di kita nakalimutan. Just be happy 'yon lang ang gusto ko para sayo and be healthy. Kahit saan kaman mapunta nandito ka parin naman di nman yon mabubura. Someday kung magkita man tayo ganoon parin alam ko di na yon magbabago, it is already proven na kahit anong gawin ko years man ang lumipas mananatili ka parin kahit pa seguro may sarili kanang pamilya mananatili yon...magkasama ang pagmamahal at respeto ko sayo...salamat dahil nararamdaman ko yon sayo...salamat sa respeto mo at buong buhay akong magpapasalamat sayo.

Kumusta kana kaya, la na akong balita sayo...Salamat nga pala sa tawag noong kasagsagan ng you know na, dahil sa concern mo at sa mga taong may pakialam sa akin naging ok ako. SALAMAT

DUMATING DIN...KAYA KO NA!

Dumating din, kaya ko na pero naalala parin kita.Talaga palang darating ang panahon na wala na ang sakit, that you just reminisce the past without fear and without pain..just be true to yourself. Ako bago ako naging ganito, binalikan ko lahat ang dapat balikan, inaalala ko lahat ang gusto ko nang maburang alaala, kinausap ko ang mga taong iniiwasan ko noon at binalikan ang mga lugar na kinatakotan kung balikan noon at nagawa ko yon dahil din sa tulong nya at sa tulong ng mga kaibigan namin. Noong una hindi ko inisip na ganito ang kinalabasan basta nagawa ko lang yon. Malaking tulong ang blog na ito dahil dito ako nagsimula...nasabi ko dito ang lahat ng sakit...Iiyak ako habang nagsusulat or tinatype ang mga nasa alaala ko at sumunod ang mga lugar at mga tao. 'yong makakasama mo ang mga kaibigan nyo before na casual lang ang lahat, na hindi ka kinakabahan, 'yong nakakasama ko siya na walang kabang nararamdaman at nagawa ko yon. Thanks sa lahat... Sa mga taong nasaktan at nabigo, time will come that pain will be gone, just forgive yourself for the work undone and accept your failures coz there.. you will learn to grow and moved on. Maybe not at that moment that you were hurt'n but time will come and nobody can say when or how basta it will just come. In my case nine long years bago ko na feel that there's no pain anymore that i can reminisce the past with a smile in my face. Though you can't forget dahil hindi naman talaga nakakalimot ang isip at puso pero masaya, masaya mong balikan ang alaala.

Ever since you never had me and I never had you, there's no me and you.. pero bakit kaya kagulo ng puso di maintindihan. Hahayy nandito na naman ako hingahan ng damdamin ang blogs na ito...kagulo kasi. Talagang boy friend ka lang, hindi boyfriend. Diba magkaiba 'yon hehehe. Kasamok lagi... But God has reason...everything has reason. We back many years ago I'm praying that God will heal the pain and God answer my prayer and now there's no pain anymore pero nandito ka parin. Ano kayang pueding mangyari na wala na talaga, hindi ko nman kasi maintindihan ang puso ko. Ok naman ako, maganda nman ang buhay ko. Hahayy, kung kaya palang sagutin ng isip ang mga tanong ng puso, magkaiba kasi sila..Kahit pa seguro sabihin mo sa harap ko na hindi mo nman ako minahal kahit kailan..ay talagang hindi mawawala..Tanga kasi ang puso ahaha. Masasaktan lang seguro ang puso pero hindi mawawala. Kaya seguro 'yong iba paulit-ulit nang sinaktan ay nandyan parin. Martir baga. Pero hindi na uso ngayon ang martir panahon pa yan ng lola ko. well, anyway we just only have one life...and life is so short...so let's enjoy living. BE HAPPY!

Munting Pangarap

Thanks for the gift of life, for giving me Lord another inspiration to go on living. I am now happy and contented with my life.... i just want to work hard for my family and for the future of my two babies...Thank you for bringing them into my life. They are my inspiration. Thank you so much.. I am so thankful Lord for all your blessings in life. Thank you for the good health of Louie and Xam, for the gift of life, for the love & support of their father, for my house, for my car, for the gift of life that keeping me alive, for the money that i've spent in my whole life, for my safe travel everyday, for the food that we eat, for the water that we drink and for the air that w breath....and many more to be thankful... Though my babies Lord has a problem coz my blood is not compatible with my husband blood..my first baby has Henoch–Schönlein purpura vasculitis...LORD I NEED YOU IN OUR LIFE..but they are so pretty and handsome..HELP ME GOD Pangarap ko ang gumaling sila sa anumang sakit mayroon sila ngayon...and live a long life.

Sabi nila "sa  BUHAY marami kang pueding MAHALIN pero iisa lang ang iyong IIBIGIN"

Marami akong naging pagkakamali sa buhay pero kung sa mga pagkakamali ko pipili ako ng isa na ipinagpasalamat, yon ang minsan nagdisisyon ako...isang desisyon na subrang sakit noon pero nagpapasalamat ako dahil sa maling yon nagkaroon ako ng another inpiration in life. He gave me reason enough to go on living...sila ang naging inspirasyon ko sa buhay ngayon at kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay lalong naging matatag ako...nagpapasalamat ako dahil sa pagkakamaling iyon nagkakaroon ako ng courage that made me strong to face the reality in life. Natoto akong tumayo sa sarili ko at maging independent sa buhay na kaya ko ang buhay na walang sasandalan at aakay sayo. Na wala kang aasahan iba kung hindi sarili mo.

Nagmahal lang ako at walang masama sa magmahal...ang masama kung dahil sa pagmamahal na iyon nasira  ang buhay mo. Nagdesisyon ako..walang masama sa pagdedesisyon mali man o tama bastat hindi mo lang hahayaang masira ang buong buhay mo ng dahil sa desisyong iyon. Ito ang natutunan ko sa pinagdadaanan ko sa buhay

As i recall the year 2013 lahat po ng experience ko ay tragic...nakakatakot akala ko katapusan na ng aking buhay. Nandyan na 'yong Panaad 2013 tragedy, na akala ko katapusan na ng buhay ko. Sa isip ko handa naba ako kung matapos ang buhay ko dito, pero sa panahong iyon hindi pa ako handa. Tapos noong muntik ng macarnap sasakyan ko na nanlaban ako. Sa isip ko kailangan kung maging hnda dahil kahit anong oras pueding mawala ang buhay ko.

Kagabi nanagiip na naman ako sayo pero ang kagandahan lang hindi na masakit sa puso, nandoon na ang acceptance magaan na sa puso. I knw this year is another fruitful year and a bountiful year with the guidance of God.