Horsebump is gone.

I want to visit a place someday where i can be myself alone... To reflect every things happened in my life...

Just look at the bigger picture... I'm sorry Graveh! As of now i don't want to see you in any place, unless we can settle things.. I need to talk to you to close everything that i need to close. I don't hate you, I don't have regrets for what had happened. In fact i thank you for what you did really is for good. But hope we could talk to finally close and never look back again, lets move forward and have a life that we desire. I realize it now, once you've found your soulmate will remain your soulmate. Even you've been through pain...even he/she hurt you that much, even he/she leave you for a reason, even without communication but then in the end you find yourself loving him/her, and that is me...end up loving him. I believed Love will prevail even your not living together, even if he/ she has others...and that is unconditional love. It is really overwhelming to have found a soulmate, really a lucky one. Dreaming...dreaming of you. Maybe because i have unfinished business with you? or i don't know basta i dreamed of you not just once but 3 or 4 times in a month. I've been like this even before, even those times that you were in dubai...even when you were in Africa. I learned to embrace this situation. I learned to love without condition and that is because i found you. One time I see you in a place. I never thought you were there. When the guard open the door and let me IN i saw you in the counter...oh my God my heart bumps and quickly turn back and suddenly go out. I said to the guard sorry I forgot something. So, i walk and cross the street, quickly get inside the church and inhale and exhale...the girl at the other side looking at me, maybe my actions or the way i look is really different...mura ko ug nag blush, i felt the heat in my face nag ulan man tana to. I'm not contented being just inside the church so i proceed to the adoration room just to make sure nga dili taka makita. So, I stayed an hour staying at the adoration room while i pray of not seeing you. Then, i went out after an hour...ug sa dihang pastilan when i go out the gate sa church magtagbo napud ta because your on the other side of the street so, i quickly find ways, I quickly cross the other pedestrian lane pastilan, what a life but those are just the bumps of my heart. Still hoping to talk to you! I don't know when...I know it will come.

Can i hug you again???? hope the feelings is gone...

I'm sorry if i drag you with my problem. It's not my intention...sorry dahil ako naman ang nauna, ako naman ang hanap ng hanap sayo dahil may gusto lang akong mapatunayan and to prove and to express what i have feel towards you. It's quite time and I want to have you, to let my feelings will be express and it's done, i made it and i am done. I am now ok trying to move forward bearing the feelings... what i have now, I felt satisfied and a little feelings of guilt...I am a God fearing but I'm sorry because I've done wrong to you. I'm sorry because i used you to go out in my shell...ang masalimuot kung buhay...though its not my intention but quite it seems myself to be blame pero ang lahat ay may dahilan... I'm sorry hope you forgive yourself too and forgive me too. Everything has purpose i ask forgiveness to God about you and i felt so sorry for. But you knw what i haven't confess it to a priest yet until now dili pa nako kaya mo confess and still dili pako mangalawat...i will just wait for the time nga ready nko...again I'm sorry.

Don't worry my dear friend. I learned to accept the fact and I'm not expecting you anymore... I know you will forget me and I do, maybe it's not now but soon or maybe we cannot forget but to just consider that what we have is just a drop by of our journey. I'm fine if you forget, as if nothing had happened and as i said I will always understand. God gave me a gift of understanding and I am very grateful for that.

I AM STRONG ENOUGH

You just leave without any say...but it's ok i understand. Noong una it hurts but then as days goes on i was able to understand and try picture out the why and why. I tried to justify every possible reason and yet i did. I was able to let go of everything. Yes, I cried but things goes right... the pain has been gone and now I am facing a new chapter of life without you. All i can say is THANK YOU coz my feelings for 8 years has been justified and i was able to release it. I was able to let you feel the love that i want you to know, that for 8 years just here in my heart. Yeah i am sad because we came to an end but at the same time i m happy because i did it. All the WHAT IF in my life has been gone. Though you hurt me pro still the happiness prevails...I am happy now with my own life...taking the new path with my kids. THANK YOU because you heal the pain...God is really good, always and forever. I can face you now with my heads up...nothing is hidden in my heart. Your memories remain...the laughter's that we shared and all those stupid things that we did. The smile on my face resemble whenever i remember you...those happy moment and even the sad once. You've been part of me since i met you and now I'm trying to go on my life with out you. Thank you for those 6 months of wonderful memories of you, 3 months of uncertainty and 3 months of undefined feelings. You've been a great of help in my emotions..those heavy rains and storm of my life...but as the sun is starting to shine you've been gone but i understand. There is a reason for everything. It is all part of God's grand design. I LOVE YOU and be happy.

August 15, I expected to see you on that especial day that you've set. I believed in you and so i expect but sad to know that nothing happened. I told you "kung puede ba magkita ta" but no reply but yet i waited. Now, I'm trying to fixed myself to be ready on the next outcome of this. I should not expect but I believed in you and I love you. Well, anyway I'll be fine someday...Yes, I need you in this downfall moment of my life. Still now i am wondering why? what happened to us, What's wrong? What have I done! Because i really believed in you...I am so amaze the time when you confess to the priest on what we have and yet he gave his blessing to you and advises. Now i don't know, what happened? So, now maybe i was being designed by God to be alone and live my own. I pray to God Almighty to bless me and guide me always on my journey... now I'm going to take my board exam. And if i passed my board exam...apply in public and teach in K11 and 12. My friends told me I am in demand in public "ilogan daw ko" because my course really fitted in the demand. IT/TLE is in need. If God will allow i can settle myself and live a happy life. I believed God never promised us to have a good journey but He promised us to have a good destination. Maybe you're not my destination yet and my destination is myself. God is good!

I love you

10 mos. of happy moment but recently you're different but whatever your reason is...i will respect it. I am just here. Now you texted me not so often, i texted you but you're not replying...maybe just have a pause in life. Or maybe you want to take a break but if ever this will be the start... i want you to know how thankful i am that i have you...thank you! I love you...whenever you don't like me anymore or you've come to realize that its not me whom you want in life. Its okay and don't worry i can handle this. I will remain the same... I'm trying not to call or to text you, I'm trying to stand in my own feet, trying to be strong.

It's been 10 mos of having you, officially we've been. Yes, we do a lot of things together, expressing how we value each other and sharing the joy and laughter. I've been so happy deep within...if only i could show to the world but sad because its not the norms. I am the deviant, do i? 10 months of feeling I am successful in the field of love, in my passion of love. Successful because i was able to share the joy of my heart whenever you're around, the pumping and beating of my heart is so fast. I Love you, yes i do. So much happiness because you know better than me, you know when I am sad and you know how to make me smile. Sharing those jokes and laughter and did those stupid things ...those memories that i could bring it 'till my life last. Calling you "Myluvs" is simply showing that you own my heart. I am so amaze of your gesture, on how you show your love to me, when you're chasing me in the kitchen and kissing me and hugging me tight as you go near to me that i can even feel your heartbeat, when you hug and put my hands around your neck and kissing me gently. Your the Love of my life and a sunshine in the midst of my stormy life. You're the rainbow that comes up in the midst of the rain. You are my God's instrument for me to overcome all the hardship in life, all the struggle and not giving up. You are my strength the moment when I'm so down. So happy seeing you happy. Accepting for who i am. How my heart melts when i saw you playing with my kids. The time when you're cuddling my little one. Because of that a BIG THANK YOU to God for having you. My love for you is real, nothing can compare. But if ever someday you will change your mind and even if the time will come that you will realize and wake up... that I'm not your journey in life, that i am just a drop by of your journey, then it will be fine with me as long as you are happy. I LOVE YOU and God really knows. I don't know if we will last, but if not... I want you to remember me this way: Remember me happy listening to the music you've send as my tears full down, when I'm so sad and you made me smile. Remember me when we laugh together in a couch with that stupid words. Remember me the way I LOVE YOU. When it comes to an end, I want you to remember the beginning, the first and all the first time of me not the ending. I LOVE YOU

God knows everything. I can't hide anything from God. I confess to God... I believed it is God's will why everything happened. My life journey is quite not simple, i passed in a bumpy road, zigsag road.. hoping that after this very rough road of my life is a clean ang peacful life. I'm still on this moment, what a very sad that i need to passed this way. But thank you God coz you're there with me, you hold my hands as i passed my way. You provided with the tight person in every situation. Now I'm facing with very deep and a very downfull moments of my life. But you never leave me...

Only me & u

I know you have that feelings of urong-sulong...to pursue or to forget but it is hard to...Well, this is just a sort of advice take it from me. I've been in this feelings even before and i was able to handle this patiently. I was able to manage my feelings despite of everything... I did not think nor threat my feelings as "mali" or never that i said to myself that this is wrong, because i believed there's nothing wrong with my feelings, nothing wrong with my heart and mind...i can go think and i had leave my life normally with you in my heart in mind despite of my situation, as i said, i could love you even in a distance...distance in a since that i cannot be with you but my heart belongs to you. So, to avoid having urong-sulong feelings threat yourself that nothing wrong with your feelings it is normal...just think that "may pinagdaanan lang tayo"...that we are in the process of something... Still i believed everything happened for a reason..i have fear in God and i leave also in God's word...that's as i said to you there's nothing wrong. wrong if somebody knows and think it is wrong...for some broad minded people who knows what we have gone...throughout our life...as long as you know what is right..there's nothing wrong. Believed that this happened because God has a plan...and my conscience is clear that nothing had gone beyond...we are on the process..kung saan man papunta ang lahat...I lift up everything to God. No matter what??? i am quite sure that i'll remain kung kaya ko noon na mag-isa alam ko makakaya ko rin ngayon if ever you choose to hang me up or leave me in this process. I respect every decision you've made...I'm just hoping that if you will decide... it is for the better... Yes, hug and kiss is just a resemblance of our feelings...just to show and put into action whatever is in our heart.. to let it be done.. Thanks God because he allows me to let you know and feel how much i Love you. God gave me time to let you feel how much i care. I always Love you and i know this will be forever. Again, let me remind you that we are just on the process don't think na "MALI" coz for me there's nothing wrong, we just tried to used the last card of this journey called LOVE. I risk everything just for us to go on and be ok. If ever this card will not work at least i don't have regrets coz i've done my part. This is my last card!!!

WOW!!!! GRABEH KA IRONIC... What a life..i thought i am ok already as i knw from myself but yet Im not ok. Wow grabeh but anyway life must go on. I'm happy that this time has come..bago mahuli ang lahat. Thank you and I Thanks God sincerely for this moment has come. God knows who really i am and I lift up everything to him...i know whatever is it he will make away...either to heal or to move on...

Hi, I know that sometimes what happened will flashback in your mind for sure because that’s what happened to me and as we knew we have same feelings even before. I’m glad that we have come up to this feelings that even me I can’t explain why it happened but the best thing for me is I experience the real feeling, the gentleness and the tenderness of your care as it reaches in the hypothalamus. The happiness that I’ve never experience before and real love that nothing can compare and it cannot be explained. How I wish I could be at your side and still hoping that I will end up my journey with you and wake up one morning with you in my side. But I knew those are just a dream. Just wait me in Singapore, hehehe…joke lang. Those memories that cannot be forgotten even I’ve done so many things for me to be ok, I thought I did it well. I thought I can forget you or maybe not to forget you but to forget the feelings that I have for you. I have so many hesitations before to communicate with you or even to see you because I am not free anymore and I am afraid if the feelings will grow. But as I hesitate and force myself not to, it draws me more nearer with you; though we are very far from each other that love grows deeper and deeper. I know you have hesitations too coz I can feel it. We did not nurture that Love which in fact it is a torture to us. But what can we do? I cried so much again as I went home. Sorry because I am about to flare-up I cannot drive back to my house. I stayed there quite some time and regain my energy. The following day early in the morning I leave a message to you coz my heart really ached and it numbs again so painful but as I leave you the message I felt relieve a little bit; days goes on and I live in a normal life again. Life must go on as I said to myself… trying to convince myself that I am okay that everything is okay. But really God answered the calmness of my heart. Don’t be bothered of what had happened just leave it in your memory that one day you have me. You can go on as what you’ve said you will move – on and don’t make me as a hindrance of your dreams to have your own family. Though it hurts but I can be happy seeing you’re okay. Now, I realize that we cannot be as simple as a friend. Your presence makes me happy even just by holding my hands secretly and how much if we could display those love, affection and care. How I wish you could teach me to do firing at that moment I knew we tried to avoid drawing near with each other because for sure people around will notice the sweetness that we can be. I agree with you now that we cannot be in one place as I convince you to stay. Proceed to Singapore just wait me there ahaha… in my dreams. Who knows what if I can go there. Well, just go ahead basta I Love you so much from the bottom of my heart hypothalamus. Wala lang, is just that nothing can compare to the happiness I feel when I’m with you. Lastly, I would like to request and remember this is a request. Please we will not go back to the way we are before as we agreed. Just take everything as normal. Just pretend that nothing had happened. Ok rako…basin ma bothered ka… We will just leave it on the air…life must go on myluvs…you remain in my heart forever and ‘til my last breath. Just go and be free. I LOVE YOU!

I'm almost there...

Almost lang..muntik na akong mapunta sa lugar nyo kasi nawala kami..malayo na pala ang narating nmin lumagpas na kami. Well, anyway bumalik sa alaala ko tuloy ang nangyari last year hehehe. Naalala ko ang daldal ko noong nagkausap kami ng mama mo at isa sa mga kaibigan natin...subrang daldal ko kaya', pero alam mo ba kung bakit ako nagkaganoon dahil subrang tense ko noon, kinakabahan ako para akong temang hehehe. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ako ganoon...kaya idinaan ko nalang sa daldalan para hindi mahalata. Tabudot kasi...pupunta-punta doon huhuhu. Anyway naalala ko lang... Alam mobang gusto kitang e-hug noong pumasok ka...noong sumunod ka sa akin pero pinigilan ko lang sarili ko, at pumasok naman si friend...alam nya kasi hehehe. Iwan ko basta ang sarap sa pakiramdam pag nayakap kita. Buti nalang pag-uwi nmin at least na hug kita kahit papano. Gusto ko ring puntahan ko ang kaisa-isang lugar sa bahay nyo na hindi ko makalimutan pero nahihiya naman ako para akong sira...ayyy iwan. Hanggang ngayon hahayy tabudot parin ako. Noong pagpasok ko naman sa bahay ng friend natin nandoon ka yakapin sana kita pero tinablan ako ng hiya huhuhu. Kurimao kasi buti nalang kaya ko ang sarili ko para hindi masyadong halata ang kaba nahiga ako sa upuan. Ohh, at least malaki ang upuan kaya kong magtago doon.

Can i hug you???????????